How to Help Someone With Depression

How to Help Someone With Depression Depression Treatment Print How to Help Someone With Depression By Nancy Schimelpfening Nancy Schimelpfening, MS is the administrator for the non-profit depression support group Depression Sanctuary. Nancy has a lifetime of experience with depression, experiencing firsthand how devastating this illness can be. Learn about our editorial policy Nancy Schimelpfening Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD on July 14, 2019 Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital. Learn about our Medical Review Board Steven Gans, MD Updated on February 04, 2020 Depression Overview Types Symptoms Causes & Risk Factors Diagnosis Treatment Coping ADA & Your Rights Depression in Kids fizkes / Getty Images If someone you love has depression, you may wonder how you can help. You may even experience a range of difficult feelings of your own, such as worry, disappointment, and anger. If you live with someone who is depressed and see their day-to-day life, you may be confused and even afraid at times. And if you have never been depressed yourself, you might have a hard time imagining what it feels like. You may not know much about the causes of depression, how its diagnosed, or what treatment options are available. There are many steps you can take to educate yourself about your loved ones experience with depression, but you also need to take care of your own mental health and well-being. Here are a few things you can do to help someone you love who has depression. 10 Ways to Help Someone With Depression While every persons experience with depression is unique (as is the experience of supporting someone who is depressed) here are a few ideas to start with. Take Care of Yourself You wont be able to support someone else if you are feeling overwhelmed and depleted yourself. Periodically take some time to step back from the situation and recharge your batteries. While you cant catch depression the way you would a cold or the flu, the shared genetic and environmental influences may make it more likely that people who live together or are members of the same family will become depressed. Self-Care Practices for Every Area of Your Life Acknowledge Your Feelings Depression can be demanding both for the person experiencing it and those who care about them. Remember that your feelings are a valid response to what can be, at times, a challenging situation to navigate. You may find it helpful to find a caretaker support group, talk with a close friend, or see a counselor. The important thing is to vent your frustrations rather than allowing them to build up. How Social Support Contributes to Your Well-Being Get the Facts on Depression There are trusted resources on the internet that provide facts about depression, including symptoms and treatment. Reading up on what depression can feel like as well as the myths, misconceptions, and stigma around mental illness, can help you better understand your loved ones experience. Research Your Rights You should also learn about the other aspects of living with depression, such as informed consent and the legal rights of people seeking treatment. You may also want to inform yourself and your loved one about the relevant disability laws in your state for people who have a mental illness. Be Supportive Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can offer to someone going through a hard time is your presence. Just providing a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on can be very comforting. Be patient and let your loved one know you are there for them. You may decide to share what youve learned about depression in your research, but the most important thing you can tell them is that you understand depression is not their fault and that they are not lazy, weak, or worthless. What to Say When Someone Is Depressed Remember Your Loved One Is Not Their Depression Depression can impair a persons social skills as well as make them feel less like being around others. They may become withdrawn, shy, sullen, and angry.?? While it can be hard to be on the receiving end of an outburst, when someone who is depressed lashes out in anger, keep in mind that it may not be related to you at allâ€"you might have just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. When your loved one pulls away from you, it can be very difficult not to take it personallyâ€"especially if you are in a romantic relationship. If your partner doesnt feel like having sex, you may feel rejected or worry they dont love you anymore. Try to keep in mind that loss of sex drive is a classic symptom of depression. Sexual dysfunction can also be a side effect of the medications used to treat it.?? Tips for Coping With Depression in a Relationship Avoid Judgment and Blame If someone you love is depressed and no longer able to do the activities they used to, including working or helping around the house, you may feel like they are being lazy. When you get frustrated, try to remember that someone who is depressed isnt lazyâ€"theyre ill.?? Everyday activities like cleaning the house, paying bills, or feeding the dog may seem overwhelming, if not impossible, to someone who is depressed. If your loved ones responsibilities around the house are piling up, you may not be able to take them on yourself. In addition to resisting the urge to blame your loved one, try not to blame yourself either. Know that its OK if you need to ask for help. Understand Medications Many people with depression take medication, if not several. One practical way you can help them is by educating yourself on how the medication works, what the side effects are, and knowing signs to look for that would indicate the treatment is not working or that your loved one has stopped taking a medication (i.e., withdrawal symptoms). You can also help them remember to refill prescriptions, keep their pills organized, make sure they are taking their medication as prescribed, and reassuring them that they are not crazy for needing to take it. Offer Hope Offer your loved one hope in whatever form they are able to accept it. It may be a faith in God or another kind of higher power, their children or pets, or anything in their life that makes them want to keep living. Know what matters to your loved one and find ways to remind them of it when they feel down and hopeless. Be sure to remind yourself of these things, too. If someone with depression is showing signs of suicidal ideation, self-harming, or you are worried they are planning to attempt suicide, they need immediate help.?? Warning Signs of Suicide For your loved ones safety, know the warning signs that could indicate they are suicidal, such as:Preoccupation with deathCreating a will or giving away possessionsTalking openly about wanting to kill oneselfSaying goodbye as though its the last timeDevelopment of a suicide plan, acquiring the means to carry it out, rehearsal behavior, setting a time for the attemptStatements like, Youd be better off without me or I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.Suddenly switching from being very depressed to being very happy or calm for no apparent reason Suicide Warning Signs and Risk Factors Love Them Unconditionally People who are depressed often feel a deep sense of guilt. They may believe that they are a burden to those around them. Sometimes, they even begin to feel that their loved ones would be better off with them. One of the ways you can combat these feelings is by regularly showing and telling them that you love them unconditionally. When you become discouraged or angry, its important to reassure them that you are frustrated with their illness, not them. When you care about someone with depression and are trying to find the best way to help, its essential that you have some support yourself. Whether it comes from other people in your life or a support group for caregivers, taking care of yourself not only strengthens your ability to help your loved one but also sets a positive example of good self-care. Worst Things to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed